Monday, November 5, 2012

need advice on combined family and how to deal with my step kids ...

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Join Date: Nov 2012

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Just over 2 years ago i married a man with 3 children, 2 which are teens, I have 3 grown sons and i am having problems dealing with my kids,My step kids, husbands attitude and the X wife. My husbands job is such that he is gone for a month and home for 2 weeks. The kids live with their mother and are with he and i for the 2 weeks he is home. My step children are rude and spoiled as well as the children of a alcoholic mom. My husband makes the matters worse by giving into them. We could not even go to the store without then, ( no alone time for he and I) He thinks that money ( giving them what they want is the answer to making up for his job that requires him to be gone. The kids have little to no filter to respect for me and others. The use foul lauguage, talk ugly to one another, make smart comments to me with no punishment. My husband will agree with me that this is poor behavoir but will not put in the work required to correct these issues. We try to have date night but then we get bad behavior from the kids.I love my husband and my siep kids dearly but i was raised completly differntly and so were my sons. We were tought respect, had rules,punnishment if we broke them, had to pull our weight, Ect ( i think you get my point) my sons are not perfect but just have better behavior. I cannot talk to my husband about any issues with his kids otherwise he gets offened. He feels attacked but after taking a long hard look at the situation i think he is just a lazy father ( which will cause my step Kids to suffer in the long run) my 17 Y/O atep daughter is now prebnant and has no clue how to survive in the world. I have attempted to talk with my Husband about helping her be more prepared by teaching her survival skills as well as work on her bad attitude. She thinks all things should just be handed to her.. I feel like im just here to play his role when he is gone. He wants me to do for them but im wrong if i dont because they do no deserve it because of the way they treat me. I will not fall into the game that he and his X play with the kids. The kids use their parents against each other in order to get their way. It got so bad that due to the fact that my mother has terminal cancer i decided to go ahead and move in with her ( which i needed to do anyway but it also brought me a since of sanity) because i didnt have to be stuck in the middle of their (to them normal) maddness. Its become so bad that i hardly see my husband when he is home and as for time for he and i , well that just happen. I dont know how to make him understand that we need that for our marrige. I understand his love for the kiddos but if we are not careful we will grow apart and in two years all our kids will be 18 and starting their own lives and by then he and i will be strangers,.Please help.. I want so much for our marrige to work and i want my husband to be my friend also. I feel like he thinks he can do what he does with with kids ( buy them things, provide finacial security) with me and thats all it takes for a man and woman to have what it takes to make a marrige work. He is a wonderful finacial provieder!!!! am i wrong for having other needs? For wanting alone time with him. The youngest is 16, i see no reason he cant make alone time for us. Time for us to just be together. Open honest oppions are welcome and helpful advice PLEASE. Thank you in adcance.

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Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/59956-need-advice-combined-family-how-deal-my-step-kids-husband.html

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